IaHB FM's In a Downbeat Hour, Broadcast 1
by Mad Cow
Summary: You didn't ask for it, but heeere it is!


Welcome, welcome, welcome to the debt broadcast of IaHB FM's new radio show, In a Downbeat Hour! I'm the Cow in your house broadcasting all over the world! Just for further reference, all of my comments will be in black, songs in italics, ads and requests in bolds of various colors, and my interviewees will use various fonts.   
Now that that's done, lets begin the fun, huh? We're gonna start this baby with a little parody by me, Mad Cow, to the tune of Matchbox 20's 'If You're Gone'. Without further ado, 'If You're Hurt'! 

_I think you're already hurt_   
_I think I'm already gone_   
_I think we'll fix you right up now_   
_You think I'm young, I think you're wrong_   
_I think I've had experience_   
_Feels like I'm 40 years old_   
_I thought this would get me respect_   
_But you refuse treatment-more help won't come_

_I think you're real hurt-To help you we'll try_   
_I think you will need- our help in your life_   
_I think you're just scared- Don't think too much_   
_You think we're too young it's a problem, we're dealing_

_If you're hurt- Maybe you should let go_   
_We'll give you an awful lot of breathing room_   
_We've got lots of training_   
_If you're hurt- we'll come to the call_   
_But if you refuse to let us help you_   
_We can't help at all_

_I bet you're in real pain_   
_I bet if we'd help you'd survive_   
_I'd bet my hands we can save you_   
_We promise help- let us give you a ride_

_I think you're real hurt-To help you we'll try_   
_I think you will need- our help in your life_   
_I think you're just scared- Don't think too much_   
_You think we're too young it's a problem, we're dealing_

_If you're hurt- Maybe you should let go_   
_We'll give you an awful lot of breathing room_   
_We've got lots of training_   
_If you're hurt- we'll come to the call_   
_But if you refuse to let us help you_   
_We can't help at all_

_I think you're real hurt-To help you we'll try_   
_I think you will need- our help in your life_   
_I think you're just scared- Don't think too much_   
_You think we're too young it's a problem, we're dealing_

Well, now that was fun, t'wasn't it? Before we get to another song, let's take a quick commercial break. 

**Are you a whiz at song parodies? Does that new song on the radio remind you of your favorite IaHB character? Then by all means, send them to vladimirthedancinghampster@yahoo.com! Songs are the staple of this show, folks, and as I've learned from this broadcast, it's really hard to come up with many songs all by my lonesome! ;) So remember, that address once again is vladimirthedancinghapmster@yahoo.com.**

**Friends. Camaraderie. A whole bunch of weird inside jokes you can hopelessly confuse your friends about. That's what you'll get when you join BleacherJunkiesN PrettyPerfects, the chat room for fan fic writers and readers. You have to be invited to join, but getting the invitation is the easy part (the hard part is trying to understand the insanity)...just e-mail vladimirthedancinghampster@yahoo.com, and you've got a spot among us! :D**

And mow back to the insanity! Here's another song by Mad Cow, 'Crazy for this EMT', to the tune of Evan & Jaron's 'Crazy for this Girl'! 

_He rolls the window down_   
_And he_   
_Talks over the sound_   
_Of the siren up above_   
_And I don't know why_   
_But he's got my love_

_Would you look and him_   
_He looks at me_   
_He's got me givin IV constantly_   
_Don't think he knows how I feel._   
_He drives that ambulance_   
_Very well_   
_I wonder if someone else can tell_   
_I'm crazy for this EMT._

_He came to comfort me_   
_That night_   
_My dad's heart failed_   
_And what was I thinking when_   
_He gave that that_   
_Ugly leprechaun?_

_Would you look and him_   
_He looks at me_   
_He's got me givin IV constantly_   
_Don't think he knows how I feel._   
_He drives that ambulance_   
_Very well_   
_I wonder if someone else can tell_   
_I'm crazy for this EMT._

_Right now_   
_Stat to stat_   
_All my fears_   
_Pushed aside_   
_And right now_   
_Ready to spend the rest of my life_   
_As his nurse_

_Would you look and him_   
_He looks at me_   
_He's got me givin IV constantly_   
_Don't think he knows how I feel._   
_He drives that ambulance_   
_Very well_   
_I wonder if someone else can tell_   
_I'm crazy for this EMT._

_Would you look and him_   
_He looks at me_   
_He's got me givin IV constantly_   
_Don't think he knows how I feel._   
_He drives that ambulance_   
_Very well_   
_I wonder if someone else can tell_   
_I'm crazy for this EMT._

Let's get off this romance crap, shall we? Here's a fast paced song, 'Who Let the Ambulance Out?' by (guess who?) Mad Cow, to the tune of the Baha Men's 'Who Let the Dogs Out?' 

_Who let the ambulance out_   
_{vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom}_   
_{vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom}_   
_{vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom}_   
_{vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom}_

_Who let the ambulance out? {vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom}_   
_Who let the ambulance out? {vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom}_

_The ambulance fast it can get through traffic {Move over, move over!}_   
_And Hank is speeding along {Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!}_   
_And we all on the floor praying {Heeeelp me!}_   
_We hope we get to the call_   
_Alive, hope we'll slow down_

_Who let the ambulance out? {vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom}_   
_Who let the ambulance out? {vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom}_   
_Who let the ambulance out? {vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom}_   
_Who let the ambulance out? {vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom}_

_I'll see ya when we reach our destination_   
_We'll come when we're around_   
_Get back to the hospital, home away from home_   
_It be our second home_

_{vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom}_   
_{vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom}_   
_{vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom}_   
_{vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom}_

_I'm gonna hurl (Gro-ooss gross!)_   
_I gotta hold on real tight (Aaaaaah!)_   
_Because hey, this ambulance don't gotta follow no speed limits (Screeeech)_   
_You turn a corner and you leave your lunch behind_   
_Wish my shift was over now_

_Who let the ambulance out? {vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom}_   
_Who let the ambulance out? {vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom}_   
_Who let the ambulance out? {vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom}_   
_Who let the ambulance out? {vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom}_

Let me end that song by saying I was on caffeine when I wrote it, and really can't explain it. ;)   
We have a special guest hanging out in the studio today, and he's consented to give an interview. Everyone welcome Tyler to the In a Downbeat Hour (yaaay!) A reminder...this is my font, and Tyler will talk in **Gravure Bold**

So, Tyler, how do you like being an EMT?   
**Being a firefighter's real great!**   
*raises eyebrow* I didn't know you were a firefighter.   
**Yeah! We get to travel around in that ambulance and fight fires!**   
Aren't you an EMT?   
**Oh yeah! I always get EMT and Firefighters confused.**   
Riiiiiight. Let's change subjects. What do you think about Val?   
**She's puuurdy.**   
Purdy? Who are you, George Bush?   
**I am his 3rd cousin.**   
AACK!! That explains the stupidness, and your squinty seedy eyes! How dare you, who's related to _him _dare sit in my chair? I am a Texan, who doesn't appreciate the way he does SQUAT for Texas, and then uses us to gain popularity, and THEN THROWS A BALL THAT COULD BE THE SET FOR THE MOVIE 'HICK GOES TO THE BIG CITY', USING EVERY FREAKING TEXAN STEREOTYPE HE CAN FREAKING FIND!!! GET OUT!!   
*Pretty Perfects and Republicans throw tomatoes at Mad Cow*   
*Mad Cow ducks* AACK! Fine, fine, I'll let him stay! Just stop the tomatoes!   
Alrighty then. Next question. *rubs Tyler's arm suggestively* *purring tone* Hello, there. How are youuu today, cutie?   
**Uuuum....fine.**   
*Mad Cow jolts back into reality* *screams in horror of what she just did* AAACK! Gwendolyn, I didn't even know you were one of my personalities!!   
*purring tone is back* You played me, Maddy, so now I am you.   
*purring tone gone* AAHHH! I'm DOOMED to become a (single) air headed dramatic flirt who breaks into song at random moments for the rest of my life!!!   
**Um...Mad Cow, you're freaking me out. I think I'm gonna go now. *leaves***   
*purring tone* Bye Cutie!   
*purring tone gone* Hey, Gwenie, you scared him off. I guess you are good for something.   
*purring tone* Don't call me Gwenie.   
*sans purring tone* Whatever you say, Gwenie. And now before I hopelessly confuse and freak out the readers, let's go to a song by Mad Cow called 'What Hurts You Again?' to the tune of Blink-182's 'What's My Age Again?' 

_We got a call,_   
_It was a Friday night_   
_Turned on the siren_   
_To ride fast so traffic we wouldn't fight_   
_We rode real fast_   
_And We got to the call,_   
_Then I turned on the IV_   
_And that's about the time Hank hit a tree_   
_We all fear his driving seriously_   
_But we were unhurt so we did our job_   
_We really overachieve_   
_So we said the the guy_   
_What hurt you again?_   
_What hurts you again?___

_And later on,_   
_On the drive home_   
_Hank hit_   
_A telephone pole_   
_Everything was fine_   
_So we drove on_   
_And went over 60 miles_   
_That's about the time we got no speeding tickets_   
_No one bothers with an ambulance_   
_So we turned to the guy in the back_   
_He said we should take Drivers Ed_   
_What's Drivers Ed?_   
_What's Drivers Ed?___

_And that's about the time Hank hit a tree_   
_We all fear his driving seriously_   
_But we were unhurt so we did our job_   
_We really overachieve_   
_So we said the the guy_   
_What hurt you again?_   
_That's about the time we got smiled by a lady_   
_People love when you're an EMT_   
_We can get away with so much crap_   
_Don't you wish you drive with us?_   
_We never get speeding tickets_   
_What are tickets again?_   
_What are tickets again?___

Hmm...maybe I'll make Hank's bad driving skills an ongoing joke. Anyway, and now a quick commercial break! 

**Do you have a story you've written you're just dying to tell the world about? Then why not advertise it on IaHB FM? Simply send an e-mail to vladimirthedancinghampster@yahoo.com with your ad. However, please keep in mind that this broadcast only happens every other Sunday, so try not to post your story way in advance!******

**Writers wanted! Writers wanted! Do you constantly get reviews telling you that you need to use better grammar? You you have a problem with spelling? Then why don't you just get a BETA Reader? And who better than a Writers U certified one? All you have to do is write to animorph51@aol.com and say that you're interested in having a story read. Easy as 1, 2, 3! :D******

Well folks, because I had no submissions, this broadcast is gonna be cut short. Want it to be longer? Then SUBMIT SOMETHING! Anyway, I'm gonna leave you with another song by Mad Cow, 'Popular', to the tune of Dexter Freebish's 'Leaving Town'. This is Mad Cow signing off...BLEACHER JUNKIES RULE! :)****

_Oh at school you are golden you're never lonely and you're never home._   
_Know you didn't used to be snooty You've lost all your feeling for outcasts._   
_Paint your nails and go grab your pom-poms you don't wanna miss your little game_   
_Just because we got to high school, so powerful you rule, you make all guys drool_   
_But when life is breaking down, and the crowd isn't around_   
_You'll come running back to my frown and I'll be there, yes I'll be there___

_Cause I remember how we once played together,_   
_And how you used to say that friends were forever._   
_But got to high school; you didn't change for the better_   
_You became popular_   
_Popular___

_Cheerleader the world's in your pocket, you're only sane by a thread_   
_Jump up and down and hang with the EMT crowd, this world is your playground and you are the Queen_   
_But when life is breaking down, and the crowd isn't around_   
_You'll come running back to my frown and I'll be there, yes I'll be there___

_Cause I remember how we once played together,_   
_And how you used to say that friends were forever._   
_But got to high school; you didn't change for the better_   
_You became popular_   
_Popular___

_Nothing in life will ever be that easy_   
_It doesn't you can't be different_   
_I know you and deep inside the normal is just for rent._**__**

_But when life is breaking down, and the crowd isn't around_   
_You'll come running back to my frown and I'll be there, yes I'll be there___

_Cause I remember how we once played together,_   
_And how you used to say that friends were forever._   
_But got to high school; you didn't change for the better_   
_You became popular_   
_Popular_****

**_And on the next In a Downbeat Hour...Mad Cow parodies a song by the Meaty Cheesy Boys (a parody of a parody?), hopefully people with submit something, and another IaHB character will give a very...interesting...interview!_**   



End file.
